angst

i.

living a life that is gone
non-existent
we have become apparitions
to each other -
wrecked boats anchored
to a shifting shore
wailing at night
grinning toothily in broad
daylight

ii.

we long and we yearn
we get and we long
we long and we let
go

iii.

and
what we have we don't want
what we want we don't have

iv.

our relations are shallow
unsatisfied by touch we seek
thrills
in untoward places

v.

sometimes i stand outside
myself
and weep
forever the pariah

vi.

unable to connect i reach
across: tentacles appendages
phalanges. swirling
attaching, quicksand

vii.

but i cannot allow the little boy
to come out
i am afraid of what he will do

viii.

flashes of light
illuminating out dark ways
like a possession

ix.

our days are gloomy. filled
with woes and throes
of remembrances hauntings
sour grapes raptures
shards of the part
haunting

x.

will we ever be?

the morning after

the earth is radiant
the morning after
wide moist open
after last night

the sky opened up
showered sweet fluid arrows
in ecstasy

the earth opened up
wide

the sweet nectar
after the long long
drought

stunned
by my abrupt question
you stutter
foundering
on the banks of the
immeasurable lake
into which you bound
that fundamental knowledge

your eyes reach across
to me
pleading

let it go

after
the all-consuming fire
we are left to gingerly
resuscitate soused coals

walking on parallel paths
we gingerly step between
cold lave bombs
to the heart of
the hearth

but not touching
carefully

supreme Coltrane

i am you, you are me
we are one: indestructible

Your love is Supreme

a sense of betrayal

as i comb
hair

down
low
hard

oppression, possession

slavery

dispossession (Babel)

this home
we built
with out sweat and tears
literally
dispossesses us
in all manner of
tongues

the cackling old man
the silent child speak
of a new land we
must habit now
individually
together
as one

we need a
Messiah

scared!
i looked out of the
window into the darkness
at the unheard sound
i heard
the kerosene irritated
my nostrils and i wonder
why i was
scared

tar

shut door
cracks
black tar
thick
seeping in

realization

comprehension streamed
into consciousness
the milk
the pith
pitter patter
parquet

you are
mine

giving life to that open secret
causes a mute implosion in one
mind, after which
winds of desolation howl
clean that raped
chamber. vile spirits
settling in

an afternoon walk

crunch
pop

crushed seed

smile

i wonder what the Buddha thinks
of me